Vsetín region: Týnka (21) wrote a book about the fight against mental illness

How and when did your mental health problems start?

I have actually been in treatment since I was a child, I first saw a psychologist in the second or third grade. At that time I was “labeled” with a diagnosis of ADHD. The first symptoms of adult diagnoses appeared for me at the age of seventeen after a tragic family loss. There were days I spent under the covers with my face completely red from crying, as if I had forgotten to be happy, while I had everything a young girl could wish for. I had a boyfriend, friends in the team, I was popular, I was pretty, but none of that helped me.

But then there were days when I really felt like I had been torn from the chains. I swept the village parties, drank liters of alcohol and was the happiest person in the world. How many times did the condition last only for hours…

When you went to the doctor again, what did he tell you?

I was first diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Later, in the psychiatric hospital in Kroměříž, where I stayed for a month, I was told that I had bipolar affective disorder.

What does the struggle with mental illness look like?

It’s a daily thing. When you are depressed, you excuse yourself to go to the toilet, more than once I crawled to the toilet on all fours. You’re not hungry, or you’re too hungry, and you’re literally overeating. You lie under the covers and can only breathe. Otherwise, you are too much, you are just too much. Too much for too many people. You are too happy, complacent, everything seems wonderful, you want everything now, you spend money…

Fulfilling duties in these extremes is quite complex. For example, I changed six jobs in two years because I was unable to take care of myself, let alone go to work.

What is the worst thing about this disease?

Worst? Probably the uncertainty, I never know what will happen tomorrow. What mood will I get into and what will I be able to do? And the hardest thing is probably to live as a normal person, it simply cannot and will never be possible…

I know you also struggled with anorexia…

At thirteen, I looked in the mirror and didn’t like myself. I wanted to be different, prettier, thinner. I told myself that it was enough to eat less, in childhood we didn’t have much food at home anyway. And so I fell into the trap for the next seven years. It started innocently enough, I skip the snacks. Gradually also dinner, mom was at work, she didn’t notice that I wasn’t eating for a long time. But when I look in the mirror I still see a big fat person.

My head has forbidden me until I weigh 35 kilos. I achieved it, but suddenly I couldn’t eat any more and I vomited… In the end, a conversation with the mother of an anorexic helped me. I didn’t want to die…

Is your treatment going well? Did your stay in the treatment center in Kroměříž help you?

Treatment as such is a long shot. We are constantly changing the medication, both the dosage and the types of drugs. But I have great people from social rehabilitation around me who teach me adult things. Such as independent shopping, going to offices and the like. Sometimes I feel that all the things I do are for something and that I am better. But then the opposite happens again and I feel like it’s for nothing. In psychiatry, I met people who were my inspiration or even negative role models.

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I understood that you are also still studying?

Yes, I am studying remotely in the field of business expansion, where I am currently finishing my first year and I still have one year left. It is already my second attempt to finish my high school diploma.

You are also currently trying to publish your book Torn Lines. Tell me what it’s about.

The Broken Lines project is a therapeutic endeavor that I devoted myself to in a psychiatric hospital. Therapy in the hospital wasn’t enough for me, so I started writing a diary. A diary full of quotes, doodles, stories and poems. After returning from psychiatry, I wanted to give it some form to see what the stay had given me. This phase lasted over two years. Now it’s time to release everything. I decided on the Bookla portal and am trying to withdraw money for the book through the Hithit portal.