Index – Belgium – Child abuse: not only the little boy who was kicked was traumatized, but also all the others

Can it be processed over the years if an adult, athletic man humiliates and intimidates a small child using his full physical strength? Especially if a video was made about all of this, and when you watch it years later, the child can relive this trauma again and again. Plus, after the whole incident, he’s getting attention that he probably didn’t ask for, but probably can’t really understand.

The incident in the adventure park in Szolnok shocked the country. But as several professionals have already indicated, there may be many of them in similar camps, but they will never be revealed, because they are not recorded on camera. The incident in Szolnok broke through the stimulus threshold with the help of the video, and everyone was outraged as one. Still, the whole case reveals much more about our own society, about us, than we might think at first.

“Then it can’t hurt”

The first and most important thing is that in this case, although he was the primary victim and the incident certainly caused the biggest trauma to the boy from Jászberény, he was not the only one injured.

“This whole case can cause the same mental damage to other children, even if they were not physically hurt,” clinical and educational psychologist Éva Gyarmathy told Index, who said that in addition to the violence, i.e. the kicking, the ominous video was also shocking , that no one dared to go to the child lying on the ground to help him, all the witnessing children watched the whole thing with their feet rooted to the ground.

“Unfortunately, this is a much wider problem. Unfortunately, this is typical of our society. There are always three actors in an abuse. The abuser, the abused and all the other witnesses who watch the whole thing. They are all hurt, and unfortunately the most characteristic thing is that they don’t dare to intervene. Of course, it’s not expected that a small child will stop an adult, but it’s sad that they didn’t even dare to approach him afterwards.

Presumably, a mental trauma may have been going on here for a long time, because of which the other little ones were like that if he doesn’t do anything, then no harm can come to them

– pointed out the professional psychologist.

According to the expert, the fact that even at this age the children’s ability to help is basically strong can also refer to previous verbal abuse. As an example of this, he brought up the case of the five-year-old girl who, while traveling in a car in Szeged the other day, noticed a woman who had become ill. Several passers-by passed by the old woman, but the little girl stopped her father to help her.

There is also a problem with excessive attention

According to Éva Gyarmathy, this case also highlights how badly our society functions, which is also exemplified by how we behave since the outbreak of the Szolnok scandal. Indignation was completely natural in such a situation, as was the fact that many people are now trying to help the little boy.

There have already been motorcycle parades and charity events for the child, and he was even able to visit the Hungaroring with his mother at the weekend. According to Éva Gyarmathy, the public really has power and can make the child forget the problem for a while, but it should not be overdone, as excessive attention and becoming known can cause problems later on.

“Things are happening very quickly now, which, unfortunately, is a testament to society as well, everyone wants to get over this too quickly,” the expert pointed out, adding that the attention focused on a single child is not only good because, as we mentioned earlier – here it is not only a matter of a traumatized child, but it would be worthwhile to deal with all other affected children as well.

What can a parent do?

The community, the common discussion, can be extremely helpful. The concerned parents should get together now to discuss what happened with their children. This would also help the boy who was kicked, so that when he returns to school, he will not have to face the reactions of his peers for the first time, who will be able to show the video of him on their mobile phones.

“The first and most important thing is for the abuser to apologize now, not only to the little boy he kicked, but also to the others, in front of the community, since he abused them too. This is essential for the children to be able to internalize what happened and process the trauma. After this, the case should be discussed in a self-help group, but it also doesn’t hurt if a psychological expert deals with the people involved.

Years later, a child can come out of this even stronger, but if it is not dealt with, it can become a problem

– emphasized Éva Gyarmathy. According to the latest press reports, the man has already contacted the boy’s mother, who is inclined to allow the man, who is currently abroad, to meet her child in order to apologize. At the same time, there has been no mention of an apology to the others.

Who can we trust?

After the incident, the question may arise as to whether it is possible to trust educators and supervisors who, for example, are not involved in the family, i.e. children who are not relatives are entrusted to them.

“Parents can feel a little bit out of control. Who can you trust after something like this? It’s not a case where something suddenly clicks for someone. We cannot know what kind of background the abuser has here, but the fact that more terrible things are revealed about him one after the other may indicate that there are deeper problems in the background. In many cases, such abusers also suffered similar trauma in their childhood. That’s why a change in society as a whole would be necessary,” the expert told our paper, according to him

By working together with smaller groups and communities, it would be possible, for example, to have the children’s parents take on a supervising role during the camps, even if they take turns. With this, sooner or later, it would be possible to get to the point where similar cases cannot occur, or at least they cannot be covered up.

Of course, unfortunately, being a relative can still be abusive. For example, sexual abuse is mostly committed by relatives. Those close to the children also abused their position in the children’s home. So, relative or not, the placement of the children must be checked. The surest protection is if, according to a society’s view, abuse of power is not acceptable. Publicity and solidarity can help with this.

If you or someone you know is affected by violence in your relationship, or if you believe that someone has been a victim of human trafficking, call the National Crisis Management and Information Telephone Service on the toll-free number 06-80-20-55-20 from within the country or the toll-free Victim Helpline available 24 hours a day Line at 06-80-225-225.

You can personally ask for help at the nearest Victim Support Center, the address list of Victim Support Centers can be found here: http://vansegitseg.im.gov.hu

The NANE Association’s helpline for abused women and children can be called free of charge on 06-80-505-101 every weekday, except Wednesdays, between 6:00 p.m. and 10:00 p.m.

(Cover photo: Kitti Kolumbán / Index)